Why Do Women In Their 40+ Leave Marriages?

I found too much to agree with.

Summary

The video discusses the challenges faced by high-achieving women, particularly those in their 40s, who are contemplating divorce or dealing with marital dissatisfaction. These women often manage multiple responsibilities, including household duties and career commitments, while feeling unsupported by their partners. As their frustrations grow, many question the value of their relationships and whether they’re sacrificing their own happiness to keep the peace. The content explores the underlying societal dynamics affecting marriages, as well as the psychological toll that comes from feeling unappreciated and drowning in demands without reciprocation.

The discussion highlights an imbalance in relationships where one partner (usually the woman) bears the weight of emotional labor, leading to a sense of resentment and the eventual desire to seek freedom through divorce. The video further emphasizes the need for mutual respect and understanding that marriage involves shared responsibilities; thus, both partners must work together to nurture the relationship. There’s also a critique of societal expectations placed on women and the misconceptions surrounding happiness in marriages.

Highlights

💔 High-achieving women feel overwhelmed: Many women in their 40s managing careers and households feel unsupported, leading to contemplation of divorce.

🚫 Resentment builds due to lack of partnership: When one partner does not contribute equally, resentment can build, impacting emotional well-being.

🔄 Reclaiming personal lives is crucial: Women must assess whether they are sacrificing their happiness for the sake of their marriages and make conscious decisions to prioritize themselves.

❌ Misconceptions about marriage: The belief that marriage is a solution to personal problems is challenged, as it often amplifies existing issues.

💬 Importance of emotional intelligence: Couples must prioritize mutual understanding and communication over self-centered definitions of happiness in marriage.

⚖️ Gender roles and expectations examined: Traditional gender roles are critiqued, suggesting that both men and women must work together in their partnership.

💖 Marriage is about partnership: Highlighting the need for both partners to invest in the relationship, fostering a supportive and nurturing environment.

Key Insights

🏆 The impact of high achievement on relationships: High-achieving women often feel pressure to excel in multiple areas, leading to burnout. Their success can create expectations that they can manage both professional and personal lives without support, ultimately leading to dissatisfaction.

🚀 The cycle of emotional labor: Many women become the primary caregivers and emotional providers, creating a cycle where their needs are overlooked. This dynamic can lead to frustration and a feeling of being trapped in their roles.

🧠 The power of choosing oneself: The video encourages women to introspect and determine if they are sacrificing their identities for the sake of marriage. Prioritizing personal happiness can empower women to make decisions that better reflect their needs.

🔄 The myth of perfect partnerships: The notion that marriage can resolve all personal challenges is debunked. Instead, couples should address their issues openly to forge a healthier path forward.

🔬 Exploring modern relationship dynamics: The video critically examines societal expectations placed on women in relationships, suggesting that addressing women’s needs must include encouraging emotional stability and self-care beyond traditional roles.

🤝 Partnership requires effort from both sides: Emphasizing the need for both partners to work actively in maintaining the health of the relationship; when one partner skips out on shared responsibilities, the other becomes overwhelmed.

💖 Cultural biases toward women’s emotional expression: The content suggests societal biases regarding emotional expression in women need to be re-evaluated, as both partners play a role in sustaining the emotional fabric of their relationship. Marital counseling or open dialogues are essential to navigate through differences and forge a stronger bond.

This video serves as a thought-provoking exploration of modern relationships, urging viewers to recognize the complexities involved in maintaining a balanced partnership.

Craig Keener Talks Divorce and Remarriage

Kim’s Reasons for DIVORCING KANYE are….

FacePalm of the Day Debunking Christianity - Jesus Got It Wrong, Really Wrong

The thing that amazes me is that some men and women really think that they have not just the right to critique God but also that they have the ability to accurately critique God. This particular post from Debunking Christianity really highlights the problems that arises when people attack Jesus' teachings without so much of a clue of what they are talking about. The "Facepalm" is caused by this post due to the assumption of Jesus being wrong not because the author misunderstood the teaching.

Jesus gets major demerits for hardening the Old Testament teaching about divorce, thereby bringing incalculable anguish during the ensuing centuries.

Unfortunately, many Christians have the wrong understanding about what Jesus taught about divorce. They just don't go as far as adding blasphemy to their error as David Madison does in his post.  Jesus teaching does not being anguish. If there is anguish it comes from disobeying Jesus. All one has to do is look at how divorce devastates lives and families.

Many billions of people have gone into marriages for a wide variety of reasons, e.g., convenience, lust, desperation, family obligations and alliances, pregnancy—sometimes even love. It dawns on a lot of people, months or years into a marriage: “Well, this was a mistake.”

The issue is that people get married for the wrong reasons. Marriage does not fix problems or heal wounds. And if you get a divorce at the first feeling of having made a mistake you have definitely missed the point. What I like about Jesus' teachings on marriage is that He makes it clear what the point of marriage is and what it is not. When Madison points out that people sometime marry for "love" what kind of  "love" does he refer to. Bet it isn't the kind of love the Bible says married people should have for each other.

Jesus is guilty of a grievous logical fallacy in his pronouncement on divorce. Why do men and women get married? Jesus sees the “natural order” as God’s idea, and said this to the Pharisees:

“Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning ‘made them

male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his

father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become

one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God

has joined together, let no one separate." (Matt. 19:4-6)

 Jesus was not responding to the question "Why do men and women get married?" The question that the Pharisees asked was “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” (vs 3) Therefore Jesus' answer was that it's not lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason because divorce is not part of God's perfect plan.

If you operate within a theological context, there’s nothing wrong with the idea that God arranged for men and women to hook up, but it doesn’t follow at all that God has actually arranged all marriages, picking each woman for each man, ever since humans began cohabitating.

 I think this point brought up by Madison is very important. Why is this conclusion untenable?  The Bible teaches that God has put each and everyone of us in the circumstances we find ourselves in so that we can best Find him (Acts 17:24). This would have to include our births and assigning who are parents are,

It is shortsighted, destructive and dangerous to argue that God’s law and intent are violated when couples don’t get along after all. Yet Jesus does just that in Mark 10. He condemns divorce, culminating in the famous verse 9: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one

separate.” Did Jesus really think that it is God who makes all the matches, so many of which are disastrous?

Interesting how Madison asks the next logical question as if the Pharisees did not also ask it. Look at Matthew 19:7

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

The Pharisees did not like Jesus' answer and sought to justify the view that they could divorce their wives with impunity, Jesus explains why the Torah makes provision for divorce.

^{8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”} Matthew 19:8-9

God permitted divorce to keep society intact because people are not able to live the right way.

To Mark 10, we can add Matthew 5:31-32: “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that anyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

In Mark and Luke we do not find the words “except on the ground of unchastity.” Somehow, in a small mercy, Matthew saw fit to add that modification.

It is not a modification. Mark 10 and  Matthew 19 are parallel passages and answering a specific question. Matthew 5:31-32 is in another context. He gives these commands in Matt 5:31-32 right after Jesus taught about adultery. Not a modification but a clarification.

Let it be noted, by the way, Christians have shown far more common sense than Jesus on this matter: They do get divorced as much as their non-Christian neighbors. They’ve figured out that the layer of theology imposed on marriage (“what God has joined together”), is irrelevant and impossible to sustain in reality. They know that Jesus was wrong. This is one of his failures as a moral teacher.

No Way. Jesus words about why why people, even Christians, get divorced is still true today: we are sinners who are unable to perfectly follow God's laws. However with the power of God that saves us from sin and death we can keep our marriage vows.  My parents have been married for 58 years. It's possible. Divorce is not a sign of God's failure but of human sin and depravity. A failed marriage has many different causes but the bottom line is one or both spouses decide not live according to God's way. 

The Catholic Church has maintained a level of rigidity on divorce that defies all logic and compassion—based on Jesus’ bad counsel on the matter. Yet the church has, for money, figured out ways to help couples escape matrimonial bonds. Don’t we all have our favorite stories of

shrewd Catholic maneuvering? Mine is about the man who, for enough cash, after more than 20 years of marriage and three children, was able to buy an annulment. The church, it would seem, is not opposed to laying up treasure on earth.

I don't see how any church's twisting of Jesus' commands nullify what Jesus said. Buying an annulment is an example of ignoring Jesus' teaching not upholding it. As for the opposite extreme  of counseling a person to stay in an abusive marriage, this is also not what Jesus was saying. If you can read what Jesus said and think that Madison is right about what he thinks Jesus said about divorce, you should re-read it.

DavidMadison has a PhD in Biblical Studies from Boston University. He has a PhD in Biblical Studies from Boston University, and was a pastor in the

United Methodist Church for nine years. His book, Ten Tough Problems in Christian Thought and Belief: a Minister-Turned-Atheist Shows Why You Should Ditch the Faith, was published by Tellectual Press in August.

Debunking Christianity

My Common Sense Is Tingling: Islam and Christianity A Common Word: Protestant Christians Support Polygamy!

Image via WikipediaThegrandverbalizer has posted an article pointing to a Christian article about Polygamy. He wrote:

I found this very interesting web site that I thought I would share.

It seems more and more Christians from the Protestant tradition (Methodist, Calvinist and others are showing the Bible supports Polygamy).

There is also mention of how Christian missionary attempts have failed in areas where they are not sensitive to the culture on this issue.

http://www.blainerobison.com/concerns/polygamy.htm

The article is written by Blaine Robison. I agree that this particular author claims that the Bible supports Polygamy, but this man is a Christian who is a part of the Protestant Tradition. I would have liked to have seen evidence that some Methodists and Calvinists believe that the Bible Supports polygamy. However, the conclusion Robison offers has a serious flaw in it. He writes:

Researching the subject of polygamy has been an enlightening and thought-provoking venture. Polygamists offer cogent arguments for their lifestyle and deserve to be heard. Polygamy is not going away and polygamists will continue to press for equal rights. It's long past time in my view to de-criminalize polygamy between consenting and competent adults. I encourage all Christians to study for themselves what God’s Word has to say on this important issue and let Scripture be the final arbiter. I think our churches could benefit from increased dialog on this subject and greater charity toward those who choose to live differently than the majority.

His argument hinges on the idea that God does not permit what God Hates. One example in scripture of God permitting something he hates (and a reason given for it) blows his argument apart. And that example is Divorce. Do we have any scripture at all that tells us how to divorce and protect the women and children involved? Yup. Just like polygamy. Did God allow righteous people to get divorced? Yes. So why did Moses permit and legislate Polygamy. The same reason why God permitted divorce. What reason was that?

¹ When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. ² Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
³ Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
⁴ “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ ⁵ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? ⁶ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
⁷ “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
⁸ Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. ⁹ I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
¹⁰ The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”
¹¹ Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. ¹² For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” - Matthew 19"1-12

So why was polygamy allowed under the Old Covenant - Because our hearts are wicked. It's not the ideal. Jesus told us the ideal. Marriage should be monagamous and life-long commitment between a man and a woman. This is what God intended. The question is put to us: "Do you want the ideal best that God designed for us, or do you the pale imitation of true fulfillment in which just your sexual desires are temporarily sated? Personally, I want God's best.

Many times Polygamy is thought to look like thus:

But almost never:

Islam and Christianity A Common Word: Protestant Christi ans Support Polygamy!

Westboro Baptist Church Will Picket Elizabeth Taylor’s Funeral « : Crushable - Crushable gives you the celebrity news, style and scoop on the stuff you care about.

Image via WikipediaI'm not shocked by the Westboro Baptist Church calling for picketing Elizabeth Taylor's funeral. I mean they have to do silly things to fool themselves into thinking they are still relevant. They bring a reproach on Christian everywhere. I totally agree that we need to call out sin and call people to repentance but dishonoring them is not the way to do it. The two things about Elizabeth Taylor that seems to have offended them is that a) she sought to help people who are suffering for aids using her resources and fame and b) she had eight husbands. Besides the sheer stupidity of blocking someone in helping others who are suffering, I found the poor understanding of what the Bible teaches about marriage and divorce very problematic. The Bible does not teach that the person who is innocent in the cause of a divorce cannot remarry. When 1 Corinthians 7:15 was brought up, Megan Phelps seems to not have read the entire passage.

¹⁵ But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. - 1 Corintians 7:15

If the believer is no longer bound, then why can't he or she marry another believer if their spouse leaves them? I mean do we really think that God expects you to be alone even though it isn't your fault? I don't think so.

Let's go back to what Jesus said. Megan Phelps did not exactly give all of what Jesus had to say about marriage and divorce in Luke 16:18. Jesus gave more information in Matthew 19 in the context of if a man  can divorce his wife for any reason. The short answer: no. Here is the full answer:

⁷ “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

 ⁸ Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. ⁹ I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” - Matthew 19:7-8

Does this contradict Luke? No. Jesus is teaching about how terrible Divorce is but because of our lusts and greed we are allowed to do it but it should never be taken lightly - as we do today! Again why would God punish the one who was cheated on by never being able to remarry? What kind of God is that? It's not the God of the Bible, but pretty consistent with a God that hates homosexuals and protests funerals of patriots.


Westboro Baptist Church Will Picket Elizabeth Taylor’s Funeral « : Crushable - Crushable gives you the celebrity news, style and scoop on the stuff you care about.

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