Without going into a lot of detail, I have been going through a lot of personal setbacks and pain that have forced re-examination and perspective pivots. It appears that this is why God allowed my life to blow up in my face as it has. Fortunately, it is an opportunity to learn about forgiveness. It is a chance to see the love of God from a new vantage point. What I have found out that the deeper the suffering resulting from other people's decisions and actions, the harder it is to forgive the offense and continue loving the way God commands us to love others. I thought that I was way better at forgiveness than I truly am. Turns out that it just take the right offense from the wrong person to make it difficult for me to overlook. Of course God demands deeper and greater love from us. This has forced me to consider how what we call "boundaries" come into the discussion. Does God even have boundaries? Does God demand that we forgive any and every offense and harm done to us without limit? Is this a "Suck it up, buttercup" scenario in our lives? Is there true forgivness if there is no reconcilliation or restoration? What does God say? The above graphic lists scriptures that address a lot of great things about how to forgive others, but invites a larger discussion of what forgiveness even is and how it applies to our lives. So before I exegete the scriptures in the graphic, we need to define "forgiveness" and then describe what characterizes Biblical forgiveness.
"Forgiveness" is both removing blame and condemenation. Forgiving somone does not mean ignoring the harm or pretending that the offense did not hurt or did not happen. It certainly is not stuffing it down and not dealing with it. Forgiveness is best illustrated by God. It was foreshadowed by the sacrificial system in ancient Israel, and culminates in the propiatory sacrifice Jesus made on the cross. Any discussion of what Forgiveness is and what it is not can only best understood in what Jesus did. You cannot love someone and refuse to forgive them simultaneously. It will not work. I used Microsoft Copilot to summarize the Hebrew and Greek words that communicate the concept of "forgiveness".
In the Bible, *forgiveness* is a rich and multifaceted concept, deeply rooted in both Hebrew and Greek thought. Let’s break it down using the original languages:
Hebrew (Old Testament)
There are three primary Hebrew verbs used to express forgiveness:
1. סָלַח (sālaḥ) – This is the most direct term for divine forgiveness. It’s used exclusively of God forgiving sins (e.g., Leviticus 4:20). It implies a gracious act of releasing someone from guilt.
2. כָּפַר (kāpar) – Often translated as “to atone” or “to cover,” this word is tied to the sacrificial system. It reflects the idea of covering sin so that it no longer incurs divine wrath (Leviticus 16:30).
3. נָשָׂא (nāśā’) – Literally “to lift” or “to carry away.” It conveys the image of sin being lifted off or removed from the sinner (Psalm 32:1).
Together, these words paint a picture of God not only pardoning sin but actively removing its burden and restoring relationship.
These three Hebrew words definitely adds something to the discussion. What is missing from the idea is the idea of erasure. The sin, the harm, the offense, did not disappear. It is not ignored. There is no pretention of innocence. Instead, the sin is expatiated. The cost incurred by the act or thought is paid and reparation and restoration is made. No more guilt. No more condemnation.
Greek (New Testament)
The Greek language offers equally profound insights:
1. ἀφίημι (aphiēmi) – This verb means “to send away” or “to let go.” It’s the most common term for forgiveness in the New Testament, used when Jesus forgives sins (Matthew 6:12). It implies a release from obligation or debt.
2. ἄφεσις (aphesis) – The noun form of *aphiēmi*, meaning “release” or “remission.” It’s used in verses like Luke 4:18, where Jesus proclaims “release to the captives,” linking forgiveness with liberation.
3. χαρίζομαι (charizomai) – This verb emphasizes graciousness and is often used in the context of interpersonal forgiveness (Ephesians 4:32). It reflects the idea of freely granting pardon as an act of kindness.
Forgiveness in both the old and new covenants is not about just our relationship between God but also interpersonal relationship with one another. And using Jesus as our example of what relationship restoration looks like, we have to ask does forgiveness mean a restoration of a broken relationship? It depends on what "restoration" means. Does one mean that the relationship is restored to the same closeness and quality as it was before the breach or break? Does this mean trust is restored? Given the nature of Jesus' forgiveness of our sins, the forced conclusion is not that forgiveness restores a relationship without change. Our relationship with God is not just established by his forgiveness of us but it is deepened and closer. Therefore when we forgive one another, it does not mean that every relationship must neccessarily go back to the way things were before the situation. The point is that the relationship is back in balance and in accordance with God's will. Both sides are changed by Biblical forgiveness. The transgressor and the transgressed become more Christ-like. God heals both. There can be no healing without forgiveness.
As far as God is concerned, we are expected to forgive others but we do not get to decide on our own what it will look like. When Joseph forgave his brothers for selling him into slavery, the harm done to him did not disappear. The twenty plus years of suffering he endured did not magically erase from reality, but God restored Joseph's relationship with his family and he let go of resentment and revenge, The reason I wanted to go into the scriptures above is because they do give legit help in forgiving others. It is painfully obvious to see we must forgive each other. It is literally a command.
New International Version
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
This is important. And God is serious. So one may ask: How do I do it? How do I forgive the unforgivable? The Bible has answers. These answers work for serious harms and for trivial ones alike.
We must pray. Sometimes we need God's power to forgive others especially when we are really hurt and cannot do it on our own. Instead of commanding that we forgive others, God will help us to do that.
New International Version
44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
When this feels too much to ask, I am reminded that Jesus forgave the men who crucified him on the cross, while they were nailing him to it (Luke 24:34).
Of course, God really doubles down on this being about Him and not about ourselves. The next thing is to love people even if they do not care about you. Do good to them even if they would not do it to you. Romans 12:9 calls us to do good not just don't do bad.
You cannot forgive a person and always bad mouthing them too. Talking against them in judgment and condemnation only feeds your own anger and makes forgiveness more difficult. Look at Romans 12:14,
New International Version
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Honestly? Really? That is why we need God's help and God will help us do that. And back to prayer.
Sometimes when we are hurting and angry we do not want relief. We want revenge. We want the ones who hurt us to feel our pain that we blame them for causing. Sometimes we don't want them to get what they gave us. We want them to suffer. Romans 12:17-19 takes this attitude off the table if we want to be Christ-like. We have to let go of the desire to hurt them.
I know I struggle with the next one. It is so tempting to enjoy the suffering of those who hurt you. It honestly, in the short term make the pain of what they did less. The problem is that if you do not forgive, you will never heal. You will never move forward. You will never be able to grow past that pain, even if they move on and grow past it themselves. The wisdom in Proverbs 24:17 tells us that we can forgive others by not gloating over their pain.
Luke 6:31 is one of those often quoted scriptures about treating others as you want to be treated. It is the Golden Rule for good reason. But look at how if facilitates forgiveness. We all screw up and make mistakes. Do you want your mistakes and errors to define you? To be condemned and judged? I do not. So God tells us not to do that to others.
And the last point is a hard one. I have been dealing with frustration, depression, and anxiety. The TRUTH is that I get stuck in shoulda and woulda and not letting forgiveness eventually free me. This step is very helpful: Let go of the past. Isaiah 43:18-19 is a promise. Not just that we must let the pass go but that God will replace it with better.
New International Version
18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
